I was about to say that this morning isn’t a good morning. But I’m going to say that this morning is a good morning. I control whether or not this morning is a good morning. I control whether my day is a good day. I control my mood and I control what happens. I must remember that I can decide.
I feel like I have to do everything. I have to work on Carob Cherub by myself, which includes a host of tasks. I need to check email. I have to respond to email. Social media. Writing posts. Editing posts. Finding pictures. Finalizing posts. Making opt-ins. Hiring people. The list goes on.
I have to work on myself. I take time out of my day to learn for around an hour each day. I take time to go to the gym.
I have to work on my health. I suppose that’s the same thing as myself. Health = self
I also have to work on the house. There’s always something that needs to be done. Always something that needs to be cleaned. Always something to shop for. We need new water bottles. We need more onions. We need to shop for groceries. We need to make lunch. We need to make dinner. We need to soak. We need to sprout. We need to clean the counter, vacuum the floor, hire a cleaner.
It never seems to end.
I’m trying to stay positive. I’m trying to be positive. I must be positive or else everything will crumble.
How do I fit it all in? Those are my priorities. How do I cut them down? Do I let the house be a mess, which stresses me out? Do I not eat and go hungry? Do I do less for Carob Cherub and make less progress? What needs to go? What needs to stay?
Is this time even productive? Or am I taking more time out of my day to just worry more? Worry worry worry. I’m a worrier.
I’m complaining. Whatever Rob calls it… whinging. I’m doing that. I’m not even sure if I spelled it right. Is spelt a word? Can spelt be the past tense of spell? I don’t think so. Spelt is food, not a verb.
Rob asked me what I wrote about yesterday night. He asked me what I wrote about for 30 minutes every morning. So I read yesterday’s morning page to him. Then he seemed to get upset that I thought sex was sometimes a chore. I don’t think he understood the point of that section of the article. I was recognizing the fact that I needed to change my mentality, that my mentality was holding me back. He just focused on me having the thought in the first place. As if I can control every thought I have.
I’m being nasty. I’m being nasty Sara this morning. I’m not sure how to stop. But I need to get it under control so it doesn’t take up my whole day. Nasty Sara is never very productive. Happy Sara is productive. I need to be productive because there’s a shit ton to get done all day every day.
It seems like being grateful isn’t helping me be happy. The study says that doing it every day can actually have a negative impact because then it doesn’t feel special or something. it becomes ingenuine. I think I’m genuine about everything I’m grateful about. Sometimes I find things to be grateful about because I have to, but I’m still actually grateful for them.
I suppose I could take this time to write about whatever my newsletter is going to be about. Now I’m worrying about how I’m going to give people their lead magnets. I’m worried about getting all of our subscribers onto the new email thing. I’m worried about getting all of our information onto the new email platform. I’m worried about getting all the emails that I’ve written onto the new email platform. There are a lot.
Back to the newsletter. Rob said I was supposed to… well he said I could (not supposed to) write about how you know what to do when you know you need to make a change. That’s a good question. How do you know? Most people diet. I know that doesn’t work. But most people just think that they need to find the right pill, medication or crash diet in order for them to lose weight and become skinny. How do you know?
You need somebody to teach you. You need somebody to help you. You need to be reasonable. You need to step back and make a plan. You can’t just start without thinking it through first. (I do that often). You need to really think about what you’re doing and what the outcome will be and what will happen afterwards.
The main problem with diets isn’t that they don’t work. They do help people lose weight in the short term. It’s the long term that’s the problem. They don’t work in the long term.
People don’t have a plan after they’re done with weight loss. They’re happy to be off of their diet so they go back to eating what they always ate. They go back to eating what made them fat. And then, for some reason, they gain even more weight back than what they lost. That sucks. And it happens a few times until people give up. Or people do yo-yo dieting forever. What a horrible way to live.
I made the comparison between growing up eating certain foods that make you fat and growing up around people who have certain mentalities. I made that comparison because Rob claimed (not blamed, I did think that though), claimed that I was blaming my parents for being self-conscious and a worry-wort. My mother is the worry wort and my dad is self-conscious. They have more traits I seem to have inherited, but those were the two I brought up. He said that I wasn’t taking responsibility for worrying and being self-conscious.
It wasn’t (or isn’t) that I can’t take responsibility for my actions. I can. It’s just that it’s hard (challenging even) to disrupt behaviors that I’ve been engaging in for 15-20 years. I’ve been a worrier ever since middle school. I’ve been self-conscious since I’ve been obese. Likely before then. I’ve been these things for so many years that they’ve become ingrained in me. I don’t exactly know how to stop worrying. I don’t exactly know how to stop being self-conscious. I try. I’m trying and doing the best that I can. But I don’t know the best tactics to stop. All I have are trial and error, like the dieters.
Sure, I’m sure there are articles on the internet that explain how to stop worrying and how to be confident. But there are articles about losing weight, too. Some of the articles are helpful. Some of the articles spread misinformation and disinformation. How do you know who to trust? There are people who lose weight on diets. There are people who lose weight on diets and keep it off. There is a small percentage of people who keep the weight off from diets. And people don’t even know about — let alone know how to read or want to read– scientific articles.
How do you get the information out there?
That’s why I believe that health education is lacking in the US. Well, let’s be real, the US education system is lacking all-around. We don’t teach right. We strip kids of their curiosity. We don’t teach them tools that they need to succeed in life. Or else learning necessities like doing your taxes is optional.
Kids don’t know how to feed themselves. Hell, even the schools don’t know how to feed kids. When I was at school, I ate fried foods like won-tons and egg rolls. I ate pizza that was greasy. I ate ranch. They served Subway. They serve Dominoes. They serve cookies. They serve chips. They serve things that they want (the kids) but not what they need.
Sure, they serve vegetables, but they have no clue how to make vegetables taste good. We never learned about cooking healthy food in our mandatory cooking class. We learned how to cook pancakes I think . We learned how to cook spaghetti with meat served on white pasta.
And kids learn nothing whatsoever about nutrition. Kids don’t know what the difference between carbs, protein and fat. They don’t know what whole grains are. They don’t know the difference between refined sugar and sugar in a banana. They don’t know the dangers of dairy (because… that would totally be allowable by the dairy industry). They don’t know about saturated fat and unsaturated fat. They don’t know about cholesterol. They don’t know about various vitamins and minerals.
Kids know shit all about nutrition.